civilisationsofpurethought:

thesickestjokes:

I left 3 notes scattered around the house earlier for my girlfriend.
They said “Will”, “you” and “me”.
That’ll keep her busy whilst I watch sports.

are you satan

omfgicanteven:

Madonna is 55 and her boyfriend is 22

Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend is 26

Mariah Carey is 44 and her husband is 32

If you’re not dating anyone, don’t worry about it, maybe he wasn’t born yet.

poutyowl:

i am perfectly fine with having other people sit on my lap but i can’t sit on other people’s laps because i’m always paranoid that i’d crush them and they’d diE

(Source: magentamayhem)